We were playing charades when this discussion came up over a good cuppa, Bomma-made sumptuous snacks and a ceaseless spate of hard rain outside. True grit, true blood, true love… what about true lie?... Sharad suggested. Sounds bit of an oxymoron, but what about it that got all 3 of us thinking? The pauses between the sips protracted as we pondered on and finally Nandini had to fill in the growing silence. She absolutely cannot stand silence, with or without the awkwardness, and I was pleased this time for I really wanted to talk about this. In fact all of us were equally interested.
Nandini: “Let’s concentrate on the dictionary meaning that each of us associate with these two words.”
Sharad: “Okay, let’s see…True, anything which can validate its existence when its veracity is questioned. From a self-evident axiom to witnessed accounts, truth is what fair logic would vouch for. Ultimate and immutable.”
Me: “Mostly, yes. But isn’t it relative? Like in some cases it’s how the majority sees it? There’s but not enough evidence to support everything that’s happening. There can be an approach not presented or discovered yet, which would be convincing enough to be praised as the true reason.”
Sharad: “You mean Rashomon? Too many detailed angles of an event, all apparently true, but one absolute truth. No one’s certain what.”
Nandini: “But haven’t you heard that adage, Truth in its absolution is revealed eventually, it may take however time and demand much patience but in the end it always is inevitably established.”
Sharad: “Right, but before spirituality and Bhagvad Gita comes into the discussion (winks at me), Nandini di elaborate your urban take on lie”
Nandini: “Aha! Sha, I see a story behind this sudden rush, what is this impatient jump about?”
This is the point where the stories to true lie began.
It won’t be ethical of me to publish my friend’s personal stories on a public blog. But I can always share mine! This is my journal anyway.
True Lie, is it a white lie? A forced lie? An intentional lie?
It is a lie yes, but as the nomenclature suggests it might have elements of truth in it. By elements of truth we mean equal justification towards truth as well as lie. Two different perspectives, equal weightage. Hence, if you divide it , it can be either a truth or a lie. Confusing right? Justified.
I have never really cared about lies in my life. Part of living a reclusive life is that you are immune to a few worldly habits, fallacies, vices and above all – attachments. That explains why any unusual truth revelation never surprised or bothered me. I have been able to accept stoically whatever was thrown at my face and lies were always a distant possibility hovering over every truth or claimed truth I came across. Yes I could be an agnostic or a pessimist, label me. But nahh, I’m never unsettled by any unprepared revelation antagonizing a previously held truth. Aren’t lies a part of human nature? Obviated by a fast changing, fluctuating world and concomitant of an ever evolving complex brain? Illusion, maaya, uncertainties, what are they but lies? History attests the prevalence of putting any form of aberration from the normal as lies. The practice, still extant. And what are the easy reasons behind lies? Many. Most agreeing to confusion, fear,habit, frivolity, pleasure and mental disorders (ref: clinical liars!) among the numerous many.
Not worth spending time judging the truth from lies. People and their bag of lies don’t matter to me. Nandini had something else to add though. She says that just because I’m very intuitive I can see through most lies easily, I don’t need to ponder on its credibility because long before I would have done the judging myself. Apparently it’s my sun sign that helps me, she banters on with comrade Sharad. We all ridicule the concept of astrology in my friend-circle, a major lie if you ask me! But I think there came a time in my life when I might have regretted using the word ‘never’. It did affect me once.
I met a person some 2-3 years back, say B. Now, every time I use the alphabet A or a name in my creation starts with A, a friend of mine complains. “With you, it can never get enough of A!” To that friend, I know he’ll be reading this; THEY ARE NOT INTENTIONAL! A happens to be the first letter, that too studies show it’s more probable that a name will more often start with A than say Z!!!
B was more a casual acquaintance. A fleeting strangership I thought, but there was a reason why we became an acquaintance. To me, during the initial days B was more an embodiment of a concept I was thinking about that time. A character from my story book in exact resemblance. It was too unbelievable for me to ignore the stark similarities; naturally B became a close acquaintance for me to be able to delineate the concept at once. I cared for my concept too much. I care still, but I don’t know what B wanted from this strangership. Time passed by and I waited every opportunity which would debunk this association of my story and its physical representation in another being. They‘d come and go, until I realized that I could no longer fully extricate my concept from this ‘strangership’ with B. It resides in B. I could never analyze B’s otherwise natural human attributes. Who was B anyway? What if my intelligent surmises actually dug up something which’d clash with the concept? What if, had some ugly disparity made me doubt the purity of my concept? I was selfishly particular about the subject and its evolution from being just an inchoate idea to a story I forever wanted to materialize. B was one inspiration for that creative spurt I needed then.
I believed I was and am overly attached with this concept, not B. It didn’t matter to me what B did or how B was in personal life. Had there been discrepancies I’d willfully overlook it. But much of our attentions were into talking, random things, knowing mundane details but without a personal window to each other’s life. We didn’t care about most present things that involved the doership. It seems surreal, but true. I knew somewhere it had to wane but never expected true lie will fix that last nail. There was once a lie B told me in a very naïve manner which ideally contains the duality of being both a blatant lie and a partial truth. You can never fully refute a true lie. I had always maintained that B could never reach that irritation zone in my brain, where the former could have enough power to pester my calm. I’m not giving you the scoop about emotions and stuff. They don’t matter. But I somehow ended up being jibed at by my friends as a repercussion to that lie I believed in one weak ingenuous moment.
B and I never talked about it not because we don’t talk any more, but because it was a true lie.
I will never know the whys to it, but I will never be able to forget it. Talking and writing about it might give me a little bit of closure on this entire thing. I’m stubborn enough not to learn a lesson from it, albeit TRUE LIE as it emerges from this discussion is now a relatable concept to me.
After talking to my friends that evening we all realized one thing though. It is futile to decide upon the nature of a true lie, i.e, whether to justify more on the true part of the lie or to cringe at the lie part of the truth; it is the aftermath of it. It’s how you move on and select a course after what’s already been shot-off the mouth gun! It is only human to lie but it is not the lie but the human that you should decide whether it matters.
About B? I know you’d be asking, and I think however personal it might be I must not deprive you of the truth, especially if you’ve endured the ordeal of reading this so far. No, B is not that concept any more. B is too much of a human to pull off that! I haven’t given up on this concept entirely. But I’ve realized I…um, I became friends with B in my mind a long time back, however bad I try to deny this friendship. Feels hurt, but I’m hopeful I will be able to like the next A that’d mirror my concept, from the beginning. 🙂